KRUPKE, West Side Story
Gee, Officer Krupke!
Lyrics: Stephen Sondheim, 1956/7
ACTION/JORGE:
See them cops they believe everything they read in the papers about us cruddy JD’s. So that’s what we give them, something to believe in.
SNOWBOY/OMAR (imitating Krupke):
Hey give me one good reason to not drag you down to the station.
ACTION/JORGE:
Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke, You gotta understand,
It's just our bringing up-ke That get us out of hand.
Our mothers all are junkies, Our fathers all are drunks,
Golly Moses, natcherly we're punks!
ACTION and QUARTET:
Gee. Officer Krupke, we're very upset;
We never had the love that every child oughta get
We ain't no delinquents, We're misunderstood,
Deep down inside us there is good!
ACTION/JORGE:
There is good!
ALL:
There is good, there is good, There is untapped good,
Like inside, the worst of us is good.
SNOWBOY/OMAR (imitating Krupke):
That's a touchin' good story!
ACTION/JORGE: Lemme tell it to the world!
SNOWBOY/OMAR ("Krupke"): Just tell it to the judge!
ACTION/JORGE: (to "Judge"):
Dear kindly Judge, your Honor,
My parents treat me rough,
With all the marijuana, They won't give me a puff.
They didn't wanna have me, But somehow I was had.
Leapin' lizards, that's why I'm so bad!
DIESEL/TRACY ("Judge"):
Officer Krupke, you're really a square;
This boy don't need a judge, he needs an analyst's care!
It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed.
He's psychologic'ly disturbed!
ACTION/JORGE: I'm disturbed!
ALL:
We're disturbed. we're disturbed,
We're the most disturbed,
Like we're psychologic'ly disturbed.
DIESEL/TRACY ("Judge"):
In the opinion of this court, this child is depraved on account
he ain't had a normal home.
ACTION/JORGE: Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived!
DIESEL/TRACY ("Judge"): So take him to a headshrinker.
ACTION/JORGE: (to "Psychiatrist"):
My daddy beat my mommy, My mommy clobbers me.
My grandpa is a commie, My grandma pushes tea,
My sister wears a mustache, My brother wears a dress,
Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess!
A-RAB/MEGHAN ("psychiatrist"):
Yes!
Officer Krupke, you're really a slob.
This boy don't need a doctor, just a good honest job.
Society's played him a terrible trick, "Und" sociogic'ly he's sick!
ACTION/JORGE: I am sick!
ALL:
We are sick, we are sick,
We are sick sick sick,
Like we're sociologically sick!
A-RAB ("psychiatrist"):
In my opinion this child don't need to have his head shrunk at all.
Juvenile delinquency is purely a social disease!
ACTION/JORGE: Hey, I got a social disease!
A-RAB/MEGHAN ("psychiatrist"): So take him to a social worker!
ACTION/JORGE: (to "Social Worker"):
Dear kindly social worker. They say go earn a buck,
Like be a soda jerker, Which means like be a schmuck.
It's not I'm anti-social, I'm only anti-work,
Glory Osky, that's why I'm a jerk!
BABY JONN/JEREMIE (imitating female social worker):
Eek!
Officer Krupke, you've done it again.
This boy don't need a job, he needs a year in the pen.
It ain't just a question of misunderstood;
Deep down inside him, he's no good!
ACTION/JORGE: I'm no good!
ALL:
We're no good, we're no good,
We're no earthly good,
Like the best of us is no damn good!
DIESEL/TRACY ("Judge"): The trouble is he's crazy!
A-RAB/MEGHAN ("Psychiatrist"): The trouble is he drinks!
BABY JONN/JEREMIE ("Social Worker"): The trouble is he's lazy!
DIESEL/TRACY ("Judge"): The trouble is he stinks!
A-RAB/MEGHAN ("Psychiatrist"): The trouble is he's growing!
BABY JONN/JEREMIE ("Social Worker"): The trouble is he's grown!
ALL:
Krupke. we got troubles of our own!
Gee, Officer Krupke,
We're down on our knees,
'Cause no one wants a fella with a social disease.
Gee, Officer Krupke,
What are we to do!
Gee, Officer Krupke,
Krup you!